With divorce rates at an all-time high, our New Jersey matchmaking experts understand the thought of marriage can be scary, even frightening. With so many marriages failing, we know it’s no wonder many women don’t want to get married regardless of how much they love their man. Does this sound like you?
Today, our New Jersey expert matchmakers will review how to handle those confusing feelings and doubts about marriage. So what do you do if you don’t want to get married but still love your boyfriend?
When there were less people in the world, marriages were successful, but with divorce rates skyrocketing, it scares people away. Prenups can stir up insecurities and so can other people’s advice in regards to getting married.
Weddings are known to be very expensive, and let’s be honest, very stressful. There is a lot of pressure when it comes to having a wedding, and sometimes, it even feels like the impossible task.
Let’s take a look at why you may not be crazy about getting married. Let’s look at the reasons why many women decide not to get married and get to the bottom of it all. If you love him, our New Jersey expert matchmakers want you to realize that it’s good to talk to him about your emotions, fears, doubts, and everything you’re feeling. Remember that everything will affect the idea of getting married, so if you are able to talk about everything, maybe your feelings will change. And if not, it’s still good to make sure both of you are on the same page.
Expenses Create a Lot of Stress
It’s true, the idea of getting married brings up a lot of unnecessary stress. Today’s weddings are expensive, over the top, and a competition on Facebook. But the truth is, they don’t have to be. If you, your partner, and your parents don’t think it’s necessary to have a big wedding, then you don’t have to have a big wedding. It is your decision only, and you don’t have to feel obligated to compete with anyone else.
Maybe you are more stressed out about the expenses that come after the big day. Sometimes people feel pressured and might not realize why.
The idea of having a mortgage is very stressful, and this is understandable, especially if you don’t make a lot of money or are still paying off college loans. Sometimes, it makes people feel like they are going to be trapped in a job and forced to give up their dreams because of getting married.
If you are really in love with your man and he is in love with you, you should still be able to pursue your dream, regardless of whether or not you get married. The point of a relationship is to keep on growing, not to kill your dreams and passions.
Sometimes, the fear of getting married is not about getting married itself but rather the fear of giving up the things you love the most.
No one says you have to be married in order to be in a relationship, even though that’s what most people do. If you think it’s going to have a negative effect on your relationship, then you probably shouldn’t do it.
You Are Unsure about What’s Going to Happen to Your Career
If you’re in love with him but don’t like your career, this can definitely bring on a lot of extra stress about getting married. Don’t worry, this is another area that can be worked on. You need to write your career goals, then look at what you have to do in order to achieve them.
Remember that you can have both, a good career and the man of your dreams. Maye something in your past made you believe that you couldn’t have both, but our New Jersey expert matchmakers want you to forget that thought. Your man should love you and want you to keep on growing in your career and all other aspects of life.
Maybe You Don’t Want Children
Yes, marriage is the last step before starting a family, but it doesn’t have to be that way. If you and your partner are truly in love with each other, this can be a time to talk about it. Some people’s minds change over time and situations are always changing.
It’s rare that two people would like to have children at the same exact time, and that’s completely normal. Don’t beat yourself up for not wanting to have children. It’s a huge responsibility that should not be taken lightly.
It’s best to plan it out ahead of time so you don’t feel financially stressed when the moment comes. It is important to face your fears head on.
Maybe You Feel That Marriage Kills the Fun
Maybe you feel your relationship is fun and that if you take the big step you’ll kill it all. But who says that? What really changes, besides your expectations? Our minds often play trick son us because of what we experienced growing up. Maybe you associate marriages with unhappy relationships.
If you work on yourself and your relationship prior to getting married, you will have a much higher chance of having the communication skills you need to keep it fresh and exciting for years. If you don’t want your relationship to become boring and mundane, it doesn’t have to, but it’s totally up to you.
Surprise him, do spur of the moment things, plan romantic trips, write him love poems, and do nice things to keep things fresh. And you must always communicate openly to avoid drifting apart.
Put Your Cards on the Table
Sometimes we are afraid of discussing certain things, whether it’s your past or your partner’s, but sometimes we’re afraid of being judged. Is there something you want to talk to your partner about? Sometimes it’s the little monsters we keep hidden in the closet that need to be brought out to daylight. Perhaps you always wanted to quit smoking, become healthy, or resolve any emotional trauma. Or, maybe you wanted to pay off some debt or fix an anger issue. But if you don’t want to get married because of something you want to fix about yourself, that’s not a bad thing. Actually, this is great and shows your maturity.
So make a list of all the things you want to change and take the proper steps to change them. You can do it, we know you can.
A lot of times, our anxiety in regards to marriage has nothing to do with marriage but with something else. This is why you need to figure out where it’s coming from so you can fix it. And if you decide to walk down the aisle, that’s up to you. Don’t worry that you’ll ruin your relationship if you don’t get married, because there are many couples out there who don’t. The decision is up to you.
We have created thousands of happy couples here at South Jersey Matchmakers, some long term relationships and some happy marriages but all of them happy and healthy.
